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| Jokes And Funny short Stories About Sports |
| 28 January 2012 |
Old Ball
One morning, Bill and Bob were out playing a round of golf. The first hole was a long par four, with water to the left and a ravine to the right.
Bob took out a brand new sleeve of balls, teed one up and put it right into the water. Not giving it a second thought, he pulled another ball from the sleeve and put that one right into the ravine. He then took the last ball from the sleeve and put that one into the water as well.
As he reached into his bag and pulled out another brand new sleeve of balls, Bill asked, "Bob, why don't you just hit an old ball?"
"Well, because I've never had an old ball," Bob replied. | | 27 January 2012 |
Florida State Song
A Tallahassee area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its ass. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard, the Florida State Chop song come out the guys butt.
Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."
Annoyed by the naivet้ of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs. "There, look at the cork in the ass of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Then the Florida State Chop song started playing.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that. I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song." | | 26 January 2012 |
Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped." | | 25 January 2012 |
Give Bubba a Chance
It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, «Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won´t be able to graduate tonight.»
Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox´s football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn´t going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, «Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!»
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a «One Question» math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, «What is 2 plus 3?» Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, «I have it! The answer is 5!»
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, «Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!» | | 24 January 2012 |
Football Lingo
A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides." |
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